Raising four children in a busy family is a daunting task. Over the years we have used a variety of methods to motivate our children to grow in areas of responsibility and to curb unwelcome behaviour. We adapted the strategies as the kids grew, and eventually evolved a system that is fair and objective, yet contains enough variety, incentive and built-in choices, that it has stood the test of time and age variance.
After discussing these challenges with many other parents, and sharing our story, we decided to put these details on-line. Our hope is that you may find some potential benefit from some of these ideas.
The Howjo Gang Responsibility Encouragement Program
The Program consists of these components:
- Base allowance
- Merit/Demerit points
- Computer or video tokens
Base Allowance
Each child is given a base allowance based on their age in years. Each child is expected to carry out age appropriate chores around the home. Their base allowance is a token acknowledgement of their contribution and a starting point to learn about managing money.
In our context, we use a formula of $0.10 x age as the base allowance each week. Age appropriate chores may include things like keeping their rooms tidy, and making their beds.
Merit/Demerit
This is where the fun begins! You need to identify various voluntary chores and associate them with some level of merit points. In our system we use a whiteboard on the fridge to track the merit point balance for each child. A check is added for each merit point and removed for each demerit point. If the balance goes negative, this is represented with x's instead of check's.
It is important that the rules are defined in advance. Everyone should be aware of what activities earn merit points, and what behaviours could invoke demerit points. In addition, you need to state the level of points as well.
Here are some examples:
- Voluntary Daily chores (1 merit point). Taking out the garbage/recycling (per item). Putting items in recycling box. Emptying garbage cans. Emptying the dishwasher.
- Voluntary Daily chores (2 merit points). Sweeping the floor. Taking out the compost.
- Assigned Daily chores (1 merit point). Making/cleaning up the table. Tidy up boots/shoes.
- Cooperative family chores (multiple points adjusted to match intensity of the job). Mowing the lawn. Raking the lawn. Garden work. Watering flowers. Shoveling the driveway. Yardwork.
- Challenge: getting kids out the door in time for school. Pick a target time that the kids need to meet. If they are ready before the target time, they can earn a merit point for every 5 minutes ahead of the time for a maximum of three points. If they are late, they earn a demerit point for every 5 minutes they are late up to a maximum of three points.
- Challenge: getting kids to fulfill their core responsibilities. There are no merit points assigned to basic age appropriate responsibilities (e.g. making their beds). The use of demerit points is very effective in reinforcing the disciplined execution of these activities. Fair warning in advance is essential to keep the system viable.
- Challenge: negative attitude or tardiness. Demerit points (or the threat thereof) are helpful in encouraging cooperative behaviour in a variety of situations, including being on time for dinner, bedtime, and correcting interpersonal challenges.
- Use your imagination and apply merit and demerit points based on the personalities and other tasks you wish to assign. Make sure everyone knows what the rules are up front and that the system is fair and objective.
At the end of the week the merit points are totaled, and the following options are available:
- any number of merit points can be converted to cash at $0.10 per point
- any number of merit points can be converted to tokens at 3 points per token
- demerit points are deducted from base allowance at $0.10 per point
Video and Computer Tokens
Kids can have a tendency to sit and stare all day at a television or computer screen if you let them. Not only is this bad for their physical health, it can affect social skill and creative development. In our home we limit non-educational computer or video time to a maximum of one hour per day per child. On weekends and holidays the maximum is increased by a half an hour.
Each child manages the amount of non-educational computer or video time through the use of tokens. A token represents 15 minutes of time. They must use at least a minimum of two tokens per session. Timers are available at each station to ensure that time is spent fairly. The children are given responsibility to ensure that everyone is accountable for the time allowed. If someone is caught abusing the system, heavy penalties are applied.
Each child gets a base number of tokens every week. If they invest in their own video or computer games, their personal base number of tokens increases. This requires some judgment to ensure that there is a fair distribution relative to any personal investments and usage. Currently each of our children gets a base of five tokens per week plus tokens to recognize their investments. For example, our 14 year old gets a total of 13 tokens because of his purchase of a computer games and Nintendo system.
The kids can also purchase additional tokens with their merit points. 3 merit points buys one token. This allows the kids a choice to basically purchase additional playing time, or to earn more cash.
Handling Money
It is important for children to learn how to properly manage their money. This includes learning lessons about effective purchasing, saving money, and tithing. The system provides them with a reasonable amount of money that they can start to manage, without it being excessive.
Discipline
The system does require diligence and consistency on behalf of the parent, or it will quickly disintegrate. Both rewards and demerits must be applied objectively and fairly or you will jeopardize the trust level and undermine the effect of the system.
In addition, the kids have developed a spreadsheet that helps them tabulate their totals and assess the impact of choosing tokens on their final balance.
